Now, more than ever, it is important to carry on with the grand tradition of Ethan’s Makeshift Oscars despite spurious and unprompted character assassination from Saturday Night Live.
Top 10 of 2023:
- Asteroid City
- Return to Seoul
- Oppenheimer
- The Holdovers
- Barbie
- Showing Up
- How to Blow Up a Pipeline
- All of Us Strangers
- Afire
- Anatomy of a Fall
Best Director:
- Wes Anderson, Asteroid City
- Davy Chou, Return to Seoul
- Greta Gerwig, Barbie
- Daniel Goldhaber, How to Blow Up a Pipeline
- Andrew Haigh, All of Us Strangers
- Nicole Holofcener, You Hurt My Feelings
- Christopher Nolan, Oppenheimer
- Alexander Payne, The Holdovers
- Christian Petzold, Afire
- Kelly Reichardt, Showing Up
- Celine Song, Past Lives
- Justine Triet, Anatomy of a Fall
Best Acting Ensemble:
- Anatomy of a Fall
- Asteroid City
- Barbie
- How to Blow Up a Pipeline
- The Iron Claw
- Oppenheimer
- Showing Up
- You Hurt My Feelings
Best Lead Performance:
- Kenneth Branagh, A Haunting in Venice
- Michael Fassbender, The Killer
- Lily Gladstone, Killers of the Flower Moon
- Paul Giamatti, The Holdovers
- Ryan Gosling, Barbie
- Salma Hayek Pinault, Magic Mike’s Last Dance
- Eve Hewson, Flora and Son
- Sandra Hüller, Anatomy of a Fall
- Scarlett Johansson, Asteroid City
- Greta Lee, Past Lives
- Julia Louis-Dreyfus, You Hurt My Feelings
- Cillian Murphy, Oppenheimer
- Ji-Min Park, Return to Seoul
- Margot Robbie, Barbie
- Franz Rogowski, Passages
- Thomas Schubert, Afire
- Jason Schwartzman, Asteroid City
- Andrew Scott, All of Us Strangers
- Cailee Spaeny, Priscilla
- Michelle Williams, Showing Up
Best Supporting Performance:
- Swann Arlaud, Anatomy of a Fall
- Hayley Atwell, Mission: Impossible – Dead Reckoning Part One
- Dave Bautista, Knock at the Cabin
- Paula Beer, Afire
- Jamie Bell, All of Us Strangers
- Hong Chau, Showing Up
- Robert De Niro, Killers of the Flower Moon
- Jacob Elordi, Saltburn
- Claire Foy, All of Us Strangers
- Forrest Goodluck, How to Blow Up a Pipeline
- Tom Hanks, Asteroid City
- Anne Hathaway, Eileen
- Nathan Lane, Beau Is Afraid
- Patti LuPone, Beau Is Afraid
- John Magaro, Past Lives
- Rosamund Pike, Saltburn
- Da’Vine Joy Randolph, The Holdovers
- Dominic Sessa, The Holdovers
- Tilda Swinton, The Killer
- Ben Whishaw, Passages
Best Original Screenplay:
- Wes Anderson, Asteroid City
- John Carney, Flora and Son
- Davy Chou, Return to Seoul
- Greta Gerwig, Noah Baumbach, Barbie
- David Hemingson, The Holdovers
- Nicole Holofcener, You Hurt My Feelings
- Christian Petzold, Afire
- Kelly Reichardt, Showing Up
- Celine Song, Past Lives
- Justine Triet, Arthur Harari, Anatomy of a Fall
- Mauricio Zacharias, Ira Sachs, Arlette Langmann, Passages
Best Adapted Screenplay:
- Ariela Barer, Daniel Goldhaber, Jordan Siol, How to Blow Up a Pipeline
- Luke Goebel, Ottessa Moshfegh, Eileen
- Andrew Haigh, All of Us Strangers
- Christopher Nolan, Oppenheimer
- Andrew Kevin Walker, The Killer
Best Cinematography:
- Hoyte van Hoytema, Oppenheimer
- Philippe Le Sourd, Priscilla
- Eric Messerschmidt, The Killer
- Rodrigo Pietro, Killers of the Flower Moon
- Pawl Pogorzelski, Beau Is Afraid
- Jamie D. Ramsay, All of Us Strangers
- Ari Wegner, Eileen
- Robert Yeoman, Asteroid City
Best Score:
- Christopher Bear, Daniel Rossen, Past Lives
- Gavin Brivik, How to Blow Up a Pipeline
- Alexandre Desplat, Asteroid City
- Ludwig Göransson, Oppenheimer
- Richard Reed Perry, Eileen
- Richard Reed Perry, The Iron Claw
- Trent Reznor, Atticus Ross, The Killer
- Robbie Robertson, Killers of the Flower Moon
Best Editing:
- Jonathan Alberts, All of Us Strangers
- Kirk Baxter, The Killer
- Sarah Flack, Priscilla
- Daniel Garber, How to Blow Up a Pipeline
- Nick Houy, Barbie
- Jennifer Lame, Oppenheimer
- Barney Pilling, Asteroid City
- Sophie Reine, Passages
- Laurent Sénéchal, Anatomy of a Fall
- Steven Soderbergh, Magic Mike’s Last Dance
- Kevin Tent, The Holdovers
Movie Moment That Made Ethan Say “Okay! Wait, what?? Nice.”
- The alien arrives, Asteroid City
- the ending of Beau Is Afraid
- The opening assassination, The Killer
- Lap dance, Magic Mike’s Last Dance
- The chair, Suzume
Worst Batman: Luther in Luther: The Fallen Sun
Biggest Stretch of Fan Goodwill: Retroactively inserting both Jason Momoa AND Alan Ritchson into Fast Five, Fast X
Most Disappointing Gap Between Concept and Execution: Polite Society
Just Let Michael B. Jordan Adapt Hajime no Ippo Rather Than Do This: Creed III
Most Defensibly Indefensible Nonsense: Saltburn
Maybe Sixth-Best Ayo Edibiri Project of the Year: Bottoms
Never Mind, This Is the Biggest Stretch of Fan Goodwill: Doing more John Wick universe stuff after John Wick: Chapter 4
Ken Adam Memorial Award for Finally Putting One of These Poirot Movies on a Goddamn Real Set For Once: A Haunting in Venice
Movie I Want to Engage With the Least: Beau Is Afraid
Red Digital Cinema Memorial Award for Most Wildly Over-produced Fake News Footage: Knock at the Cabin
Sexiest Not-a-Heist Heist Movie: Magic Mike’s Last Dance
Cutest Absolute Nightmare: Daijin, Suzume
Most Inscrutable Black Hole: quantum physics in Oppenheimer John Le Carré, The Pigeon Tunnel
Worst Fridging: Mission: Impossible – Dead Reckoning Part One
Best Wifi Connection: all of Ireland, Flora and Son
Wildest Scene That Absolutely Shouldn’t Work But Does: that one I don’t want to spoil toward the end of The Iron Claw
Most Luxurious Shag Carpet: Priscilla
“Call My Agent!” Award: Thomasin McKenzie, who desperately needs to stop playing fragile wounded birds, especially ones with American accents, Eileen
Most Impeccably Crafted Comedy: The Killer
I Don’t Do a Whole Costume Design Category at the EMOs But If I Did It Would Go to: Passages
The Ex-Pat New Yorker “Wait Have I Been To That Bar” Award: Past Lives
The Ex-Pat New Yorker “Wait I’ve Definitely Been To That Bar” Award: You Hurt My Feelings
Beastie Boys Award for Sabotage: Leonardo DiCaprio, Killers of the Flower Moon
The John Grisham “He Just Said WHAT in a Public Court of Law” Award: Anatomy of a Fall
Most Relatable Writer’s Block, He Writes Four Hours Before the Oscars: Afire
Second-Best Andrew Haigh Ghost Story But Best Andrew Scott Ghost Story: All of Us Strangers
The Al Gore “Hey This Climate Change Agit-Prop Slaps” Award: How to Blow Up a Pipeline
Most Likely to Trigger the Anxiety of Academic Support Staff: Showing Up
Least Requiring My Opinion: Barbie
Most Eerily Accurate Depiction of That Particular Shade of Gray That Deerfield, Massachusetts Turns in December: The Holdovers
Not the Best Movie of the Year But Certainly the Maximalist: Oppenheimer
Special Achievement in Confusing Release Dates That Will Absolutely Jack Up My Letterboxd Data For Years to Come: Return to Seoul
Legitimately Best Time I’ll Probably Ever Have Again With a Quarantine Movie: Asteroid City
The Best Films of Our Lives 