The 2022 EMOs

I don’t know what it was about this year in particular – maybe it’s that I actually kept up with most of the movies that I was really interested in, maybe it’s that it was actually a really darn good year with a lot of varied, interesting and flawed movies, with little that stood above the pack in any really obvious way – but dear lord am I tired of the discourse and have never more glad that I’m not regularly writing reviews and trying to keep my finger on the pulse of criticism or whatever anymore.

Here are a bunch of things that I liked and found funny about the movies of 2022! Enjoy! Or skip it! I don’t know!

Top 10 of 2022

1. Nope
2. Benediction
3. Tár
4. Women Talking
5. Stars at Noon
6. RRR
7. Decision To Leave
8. Petite Maman
9. Everything Everywhere All At Once
10. The Eternal Daughter

Best Director:

• Terence Davies, Benediction
• Claire Denis, Stars at Noon / Both Sides of the Blade
• Todd Field, Tár
• Joanna Hogg, The Eternal Daughter
• Dan Kwan and Daniel Scheinert, Everything Everywhere All At Once
• Park Chan-wook, Decision to Leave
• Jordan Peele, Nope
• Sarah Polley, Women Talking
• S.S. Rajamouli, RRR
• Céline Sciamma, Petite Maman

Best Acting Ensemble:

• Armageddon Time
• The Banshees of Inisherin
• Benediction
• Confess, Fletch
• Funny Pages
• Nope
• Tár
• Triangle of Sadness
• Women Talking

Best Lead Performance:

• Juliette Binoche, Both Sides of the Blade
• Cate Blanchett, Tár
• Sterling K. Brown, Honk for Jesus. Save Your Soul.
• Jessie Buckley, Men
• Austin Butler, Elvis
• Viola Davis, The Woman King
• Idris Elba, Three Thousands Years of Longing
• Colin Farrell, The Banshees of Inisherin
• Regina Hall, Honk for Jesus. Save Your Soul.
• Cheryl Isheja, Neptune Frost
• Daniel Kaluuya, Nope
• Vincent Lindon, Both Sides of the Blade
• Jack Lowden, Benediction
• Amber Midthunder, Prey
• Keke Palmer, Nope
• Margaret Qualley, Stars at Noon
• Tilda Swinton, The Eternal Daughter
• Tilda Swinton, Three Thousand Years of Longing
• Tang Wei, Decision to Leave
• Michelle Yeoh, Everything Everywhere All At Once

Best Supporting Performance:

• Gillian Anderson, The Pale Blue Eye
• Jessie Buckley, Women Talking
• Zlatko Burić, Triangle of Sadness
• Peter Capaldi, Benediction
• Hong Chau, The Menu
• Carly-Sophia Davies, The Eternal Daughter
• Claire Foy, Women Talking
• Brendan Gleeson, The Banshees of Inisherin
• Anthony Hopkins, Armageddon Time
• Nina Hoss, Tár
• Kate Hudson, Glass Onion: A Knives Out Mystery
• Judith Ivey, Women Talking
• Sophie Kauer, Tár
• Rory Kinnear, Men
• Lashana Lynch, The Woman King
• Brandon Perea, Nope
• Ke Huy Quan, Everything Everywhere All At Once
• Benny Safdie, Stars at Noon
• Matt Smith, The Forgiven
  
• Ben Whishaw, Women Talking

Best Original Screenplay:

• Cheung Seo-kyung, Park Chan-wood, Decision to Leave
• Julia Cho, Domee Shi, Turning Red
• Terence Davies, Benediction
• Todd Field, Tár
• James Gray, Armageddon Time
• Joanna Hogg, The Eternal Daughter
• Owen Kline, Funny Pages
• Dan Kwan, Daniel Scheinert, Everything Everywhere All At Once
• Martin McDonagh, The Banshees of Inisherin
• Jordan Peele, Nope
• Céline Sciamma, Petite Maman

Best Adapted Screenplay:

• Joel Kim Booster, Fire Island
• Claire Denis, Christine Angot, Both Sides of the Blade
• Claire Denis, Andrew Litvack, Stars at Noon
• Adamma Ebo, Honk for Jesus. Save Your Soul.
• Greg Mottola, Zev Borow, Confess, Fletch
• Sarah Polley, Women Talking
• Guillermo del Toro, Patrick McHale, Guillermo del Toro’s Pinocchio

Best Cinematography:

• Jeff Cutter, Prey
• Nicola Daley, Benediction
• Ben Davis, The Banshees of Inisherin
• Eric Gauter, Stars at Noon
• Rob Hardy, Men
• Florian Hoffmeister, Tár
• Luc Montpelier, Women Talking
• Kim Ji-yong, Decision to Leave
• Claudio Miranda, Top Gun: Maverick
• Ed Rutherford, The Eternal Daughter
• Anisia Uzeyman, Neptune Frost
• Hoyte Van Hoytema, Nope

Best Score:

• Michael Abels, Nope
• Carter Burwell, The Banshees of Inisherin
• Hildur Guðnadóttir, Tár
• Hildur Guðnadóttir, Women Talking
• Harold Faltermeyer, Hans Zimmer, Top Gun: Maverick
• M.M. Kreem, RRR
• Tindersticks, Both Sides of the Blade
• Tindersticks, Stars at Noon

Best Editing:

• Erin DeWitt, Owen Kline, Funny Pages
• Christopher Donaldson, Roslyn Kalloo, Women Talking
• Helle le Fevre, The Eternal Daughter
• Julien Lacharay, Petite Maman
• Kim Sang-beom, Decision to Leave
• Guy Lecorne, Stars at Noon
• Nicholas Monsour, Nope
• Paul Rogers, Everything Everywhere All At Once
• Monika Willi, Tár

Best Scene:

• Disabled, Benediction
• Louisiana Hayride, Elvis
• Locker confrontation on prom night, The Fabelmans
• Faith mime, Honk for Jesus. Save Your Soul.
• Jupe remembers Gordy’s rampage, Nope
• Naatu Naatu, RRR
• Bheem’s surprise attack on Gov. Scott’s party, RRR
• Olga’s apartment, Tár
• closing credits, White Noise

Most ’90s: Marry Me

Egregiously Not ’90s Enough: Hocus Pocus 2

Probably Better When Projected Soundlessly On The Wall In A Metal Bar: The Northman

No Jokes, Just Fight/Donate: The Janes

Maybe (Maybe) Fifth-Best Class Satire of the Year: The Forgiven

Longest You Have to Wait Before You Get To The One Bit Everyone Won’t Shut Up About: Pearl

Most I Wanted A Script To Be a Person So I Could Punch It In the Face: Harry Melling introducing himself as “E.A. Poe…..Edgar A. Poe” in The Pale Blue Eye

First Time I Have Ever Seen a Movie “tl;dr” Itself In Its Title: Men

Saddest Anime Boys (Like Actually): Belle

Possibly The Most Convoluted Act of Copyright Violation In Cinema History: See How They Run

New Gnarliest Counterpoint To “Animation Is For Kids”: Mad God

Most Undeserving Of Unfortunate Real-World Relevance: White Noise

Literally The Least Trustworthy Creature To Walk The Earth Since The Serpent In Eden, Elvis, What Are You Doing: Tom Hanks in Elvis

Straight-To-Streaming Dump That Most Deserves A Big Screen Revival: Prey

Best Rom-Com Featuring Bowen Yang In A Historically Queer Beach Town – Released in September: Bros

Most Inaccurate Depiction Of Content Moderation Practices: Kimi

Best OAAA (Obligatory Annual Austen Adaptation): Fire Island

Weirdest Casting Flex: Cate Blanchett, Guillermo Del Toro’s Pinocchio

Hardest Its Fans Will Argue That It Is Not Exactly The Movie On The Poster When It Is, In Fact, Exactly The Movie On The Poster: The Fabelmans

Best Use Of Chekhov’s Gator: X

Special Achievement In Mimicking A Particularly Connecticut Flavor Of Politician: Kathryn Hahn, Glass Onion: A Knives Out Mystery

Most Visibly Affected By COVID Restrictions: Honk for Jesus. Save Your Soul.

Most ’00s: Turning Red

Best Dick Metaphor Death: The Woman King

Most Online, For Better And For Worse: The Menu

Most Ideas Compressed Into The Least Amount of Time: Wendell & Wild

Widest Apples-To-Oranges Disparity Between This And Any Other Movie On This List: Neptune Frost

Most Boston: Confess, Fletch

Quickest I Have Switched From Interpreting A Movie As Satire To Socialist Realism: Triangle of Sadness

Too Few Minutes Of Idris Elba And Tilda Swinton Flirting: Three Thousand Years of Longing

Sweatiest: Funny Pages

Best State-Sponsored Action Propaganda Since Chapaev: Top Gun: Maverick

Better Of The Two Instances This Year That A Prominent Male Jewish Director Made Us Watch His Movie Instead Of Going To Therapy: Armageddon Time

Jean-Luc Godard Memorial Award For The Most Cartoonishly French Film Of The Year: Both Sides of the Blade

Lifetime Achievement Award For Colin Farrell’s Eyebrows: The Banshees of Inisherin

Weakest Wi-Fi: The Eternal Daughter

Best Alternative To Actually Doing Your Taxes: writing EMO jokes about Everything Everywhere All At Once

Least Creepy Twin Children: Petite Maman

Best Prison Food: Decision to Leave

Heaviest Lift By The “Inspired” Bit Of “Inspired By A True Story”: RRR

First But Hopefully Not The Last Time That A Claire Denis Movie Inspires A Taylor Swift Album: Stars at Noon

My Most Uncanny Movie-going Experience Of The Year, Thanks To The Two UMass Bros Who Showed Up Late, Drunk, And Preceded To Loudly Ask Each Other Every Five Minutes What The Women Were Talking About: Women Talking

Better As A Movie Than As A Thinkpiece: Tár

Probably The Closest We’ll Get To A Terence Davies/RuPaul Collab: Benediction

Film Of The Year For Archivists Who Feel Smug About Knowing How To Correctly Pronounce “Muybridge”: Nope