It’s that time again! Ethan’s Makeshift Oscars give me a chance to reflect on my year in film that was 2017. As always, to qualify, a film both had to be released in 2017, and I had to see it within the year as well (so, I still have a lot to catch up on – and I’ll just say that “Lady Bird”, which is not represented here because I didn’t see it until Jan. 5, would’ve been a power player). As with last year, I’m just diving straight into winners in each category, before listing others “receiving votes”: that is, not my top pick but other films, performances and elements worthy of a shout-out.
Before diving into the EMOs themselves, I do want to note two things about 2017, at least as regards my film-going. First, this is the year that an inundation of original content on streaming platforms, Netflix in particular, really challenged my conception of a “new release” and what content to cover here. Sure, pleasant but relatively trifling fare like “Win It All” and “The Incredible Jessica James” fit the traditional bill of a “movie” thanks to their one-off nature and hour-and-a-half run-time – but can I really say that they were more central to my cinematic experience this year than, say, HBO’s “The Young Pope”? Netflix’s “Wormwood”? Or (though I’m only partially through the series still), Showtime’s “Twin Peaks: The Return”? Should I really spend time praising Nicole Kidman’s performance in a misfire like “The Beguiled” (though, rest assured, she is a gem in it) when your time would probably better be spent watching her in “Big Little Lies”? Is a sprawling, ambitious work like Dee Rees’ “Mudbound” better compared against a theatrical barn-buster like “Get Out” – or its Netflix neighbor, “Godless”?
I don’t know the answer to these questions. The EMOs are already, um, a little unwieldy and going full Golden Globes and adding a whole bunch of new categories to recognize the growing influence and experimentation of episodic content is an exhausting thought. I’ll chew it over, for another year at least.
The second thing I wanted to point out was the overall roaring success of Hollywood genre entertainment this year. This stuff tends to go in cycles, so perhaps next year we’ll be right back to bemoaning the billion-or-bust attitude of current tentpole productions. But, at least this year, the studios seemed to figure out how to deliver popcorn thrills with a dash of genuine, adult emotion. The middle-of-the-road adult drama may be dead, but you know, if we have more “Logans” and fewer “The Judges”, it might not be the worst thing.
In any case – on with the awards!
Best Action: Star Wars: The Last Jedi
Receiving votes:
Baby Driver
Atomic Blonde
Dunkirk
War for the Planet of the Apes
Logan
Funniest Film: Spider-Man: Homecoming
Receiving votes:
Logan Lucky
The Trip to Spain
The Meyerowitz Stories (New and Selected)
The Big Sick
Baby Driver
Most Fucked-Up Protagonist: Justine, Raw
Receiving votes:
Travis, It Comes At Night
Terry and Bob, War on Everyone
Logan, Logan
Most Deserving to Have Everyone Involved in Production Die a Fiery Painful Death Just For Making Me Watching the Trailer: Monster Trucks
Receiving votes:
CHiPS
The Book of Henry
The Space Between Us
Transformers: The Last Knight
Best Cameo: Frank Oz, Star Wars: The Last Jedi
(spoilers oops whatever)
Receiving votes:
Tilda Swinton #2, Okja
Stephen Root, Get Out
Luke Evans, The Fate of the Furious
Breakthrough Actor/Actress of the Year: Daniel Kaluuya, Get Out
Receiving votes:
Jessica Williams, The Incredible Jessica James
Garance Marillier, Raw
Kelvin Harrison, Jr., It Comes At Night
Grace Van Patten, The Meyerowitz Stories (New and Selected)
Best Poster:
It Comes At Night
Receiving votes:
Split
Proud Mary
The Killing of a Sacred Deer
Get Out
Ingrid Goes West
The Shape of Water
Phantom Thread
Star Wars: The Last Jedi
Flatliners
Best Trailer: Black Panther
Receiving votes:
It Comes At Night
The Florida Project
Thor: Ragnarok
The Killing of a Sacred Deer
It
Atomic Blonde
Blade Runner 2049
War for the Planet of the Apes
The Death of Stalin
Best Scene: “Now you’re in the sunken place”, Get Out
Receiving votes:
throne room fight, Star Wars: The Last Jedi
Tom Hardy’s landing, Dunkirk
bikini wax, Raw
opening heist through opening credits, Baby Driver
ALF truck heist, Okja
staircase fight, Atomic Blonde
Best Use of an Existing Song: “Bellbottoms”, The Jon Spencer Blues Explosion, Baby Driver
Receiving votes:
“Harlem Shuffle”, Bob & Joe, Baby Driver
Leia’s theme, Star Wars: The Last Jedi
“Father Figure”, George Michael, Atomic Blonde
“Take Me Home, Country Roads”, John Denver, Logan Lucky
Best Original Song: “Genius Girl”, perf. Adam Sandler and Grace Van Patten, The Meyerowitz Stories (New and Selected)
Best Original Score: Tamar-kali, Mudbound
Receiving votes:
Alexandre Desplat, The Shape of Water
Hans Zimmer, Dunkirk
Nick Cave, Warren Ellis, Wind River
Best Cinematography: Rachel Morrison, Mudbound
Receiving votes:
Hoyte van Hoytema, Dunkirk
Philippe Le Sourd, The Beguiled
Dan Lausten, The Shape of Water
Steve Yedlin, Star Wars: The Last Jedi
Ben Richardson, Wind River
Ruben Impens, Raw
Best Adapted Screenplay: Dee Rees, Virgil Williams, Mudbound
Best Original Screenplay: Jordan Peele, Get Out
Receiving votes:
Trey Edward Shults, It Comes At Night
Rebecca Blunt, Logan Lucky
Julia Ducournau, Raw
Guillermo del Toro, Vanessa Taylor, The Shape of Water
Bong Joon-ho, Jon Ronson, Okja
Noah Baumbach, The Meyerowitz Stories (New and Selected)
Rian Johnson, Star Wars: The Last Jedi
Best Supporting Actor: Gil Birmingham, Wind River
Receiving votes:
Michael Shannon, The Shape of Water
Rob Morgan, Mudbound
Daniel Craig, Logan Lucky
Mark Hamill, Star Wars: The Last Jedi
Garrett Hedlund, Mudbound
Mark Rylance, Dunkirk
Stephen Merchant, Logan
John C. Reilly, Kong: Skull Island
Best Supporting Actress: Betty Gabriel, Get Out
Receiving votes:
Elizabeth Marvel, The Meyerowitz Stories (New and Selected)
Holly Hunter, The Big Sick
Tilda Swinton, Okja
Ella Rumpf, Raw
Mary J. Blige, Mudbound
Emma Thompson, The Meyerowitz Stories (New and Selected)
Robin Wright, Wonder Woman
Best Actor: Daniel Kaluuya, Get Out
Receiving votes:
Hugh Jackman, Logan
Andy Serkis, War for the Planet of the Apes
Channing Tatum, Logan Lucky
Adam Driver, Star Wars: The Last Jedi
Kumail Nanjiani, The Big Sick
Best Actress: Sally Hawkins, The Shape of Water
Receiving votes:
Nicole Kidman, The Beguiled
Garance Marillier, Raw
Daisy Ridley, Star Wars: The Last Jedi
Jessica Williams, The Incredible Jessica James
Charlize Theron, Atomic Blonde
Best Acting Ensemble: Get Out
Receiving votes:
Mudbound
It Comes At Night
Logan Lucky
The Meyerowitz Stories (New and Selected)
Spider-Man: Homecoming
Best Director: Dee Rees, Mudbound
Receiving votes:
Jordan Peele, Get Out
Christopher Nolan, Dunkirk
Julia Ducournau, Raw
Trey Edward Shults, It Comes At Night
Guillermo del Toro, The Shape of Water
Steven Soderbergh, Logan Lucky
Bong Joon-ho, Okja
Rian Johnson, Star Wars: The Last Jedi
James Mangold, Logan
Best Movie: Get Out
Receiving votes:
Mudbound
Dunkirk
Raw
It Comes At Night
The Shape of Water
Logan Lucky
Okja
Star Wars: The Last Jedi
Logan
The “I Ain’t Even Mad” Award for When Reese Witherspoon Self-Produces a Movie Where She Shtups a Twenty-Year-Old: Home Again
Most Deflating Revelation That One of Your Favorite Up-and-Coming Writer/Directors Wants To Be Tarantino: War on Everyone
Craziest Heigl: Unforgettable
Most Surprisingly Bland Film Featuring Furries, Bigfoot, and Michael Shannon: Pottersville
Best Solution to Mansplaining: talk over it with an extended Roger Moore/Moor bit, “The Trip to Spain”
Most Flagrant Abuse of the After-Credits Scene: Kong: Skull Island
Most Flagrant Abuse of De-Aging CGI: Guardians of the Galaxy Vol. 2
Most Flagrant Abuse of “Narrative”: Atomic Blonde
Most Troubling Appropriation: The Beguiled
Least Convincing Candidate for “God of War”: David Thewlis, “Wonder Woman”
Fuzziest Friends: Kedi
Most Absurdly Satisfying Payoff to the Mythology of a Franchise About Cars Going Fast: The Fate of the Furious
The Most Brooklyn-ized Irishman Since David Neary: Chris O’Dowd, “The Incredible Jessica James”
Most Mixed Messages About Gambling: Win It All
*Endless Screaming*: Get Me Roger Stone
About As Feminist As A Movie That Puts Its Female Lead in a Coma for Half the Running Time Can Be, I Guess: The Big Sick
Most Unexpected Use of John Denver In a Year Full of Unexpected Uses of John Denver: Free Fire
Most Irresponsible Recruitment of a Minor Into, Like, Highly Dangerous Superhero Bullshit: Tony Stark in “Spider-Man: Homecoming”
I, For One, Welcome Our New Ape Overlords: War for the Planet of the Apes
Troubling Evidence That Taylor Sheridan Has No Idea How to Write a Female Character: Wind River
Most Surprisingly Coherent Mash-up of “Freaky Friday” and “Armageddon”: Your Name
Your Once-a-Decade Reminder That Adam Sandler Can Act If He Wants To, He Just Doesn’t Want To: The Meyerowitz Stories (New and Selected)
Most Needs To Learn from Ryan Gosling in “Drive” and Never Open His Mouth: Ansel Elgort, “Baby Driver”
Sylvester Stallone in “Creed” Award for Making Me Suddenly Care About a Character Despite Not Having Any Emotional Attachment Whatsoever to His Previous 17 Franchise Entries: Hugh Jackman, “Logan”
Most Cleverly Meta Blockbuster That’s Kinda Ruined By Everyone Being Obsessed With How Cleverly Meta It Is: Star Wars: The Last Jedi
Cutest Pig-Cow That I Would Definitely Still Eat: Okja
Most Gleeful Daniel Craig: Logan Lucky
Weirdest Shade Thrown at Baltimore: The Shape of Water
Most Likely to Not Think About At All For Eight Months Until That One Night You Suddenly Wake up Soaked In Cold Sweat: It Comes At Night
Better At Convincing Me To Go Vegetarian Than “Okja”: Raw
Most Milked Out of Kenneth Branagh’s Two Days On Set: Dunkirk
Whatever the Opposite of Escapist Entertainment Is: Mudbound
If I Could, I Would Have Voted for It For a Second EMO: Get Out
The Best Films of Our Lives 